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Sign number 1: I’m trying to use the word “influence” in a Word doc., it doesn’t recognise it. Like at all. I’ve got squiggly red line syndrome. I even checked that my language was set properly (English (US), in case you were curious).

Helpful suggestions provided instead: “impudence”, “nuance”, “sinuous”, “enounce”, and “intumesce”.

“Intumesce? Ah, but of course.”

Yes. Those are all words. But, seriously, “influence” is a pretty standard one. I’m seriously disappointed with the amount of impudence my computer is showing. I can feel my rage slowly intumesce right now as I type.

David Luiz agrees.

David Luiz agrees.

Sign number 2: A few months ago, I was in the mood to throw on some Sugar Ray – you know, as one is often wont – and pulled out my big ol’ zipped up compact disc collection. I think I was playing some PS3 at the time, so my only option to play a CD was on my laptop (smarty-pants mentioned above). I took out Floored (I feel it’s necessary to specify which Sugar Ray album I took out, because I own more than one) and popped it into the disc slot. My computer made an overly dramatic and belaboured noise about playing this particular CD (I’ve had no issues with others). I didn’t think much of it. iTunes loaded up and started auto-playing the first track (I’m assuming most of you have never listened to Floored, but the first track, “RPM” is not anything like “Fly”, which I’m sure you are aware of. Basically, “Fly” is the only song that sounds like “Fly” on Floored. Sugar Ray’s next album, 14:59, went the other direction where EVERY song sounded like “Fly”). When the song was done, iTunes crashed and the CD was spat out.

I didn’t think much of it, so I re-opened iTunes and then put Floored back in. Skipped the first track and played the second (“Breathe” – but again, you don’t care). Same thing. Song finishes. iTunes crashes. CD spits out.

Well, not being a quitter, and still feeling some nostalgic yearning for shitty 1997 California punk rock/reggae (should I repeat that “Fly” is the only song on Floored that sounds like “Fly”?), I put the CD back in, re-open iTunes and go to track three (“Anyone”). Song finishes. iTunes crashes. CD spits out.

At this point, I think I’ve figured out that my computer, probably through a combination of its own good taste and being influenced by the tens of thousands of songs I’ve played on iTunes, has recognised by the Genius function that this music is just awful. It is literally revolting against the idea of playing one more song by Sugar Ray. iTunes wants to crash (application suicide) rather than continue listening to Sugar Ray’s music.

So I put the CD back in. Fourth track.

Song finishes. iTunes crashes. CD spits out. At that point I gave up on trying to listen to music.

And then I tried to watch TV, but it shut off unexpectedly, too.

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