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After receiving some positive feedback (though nothing from those I “helped”), I thought it was time for another Problem Solved.

What is Problem Solved, you ask? What, you didn’t ask me? That’s exactly the point! Unlike those pesky advice columns that just sit there waiting for you to ask them a question, I’ve taken it upon myself to roll up the sleeves and get out there solving problems the proactive way – looking them up on the interwebs.

This week finds me tackling some doozies. Let’s get to it!

This first gem comes from Yahoo Answers:

Abercrombie refuse to hire with facial hair?

“Bailey” asks:

I just got offered a job on the “Impact Team” at Abercrombie and Fitch. I like to keep a light beard with minimal facial hair, usually nothing more than a chin strap. Can Abercrombie legally refuse to employ me if I want to keep that facial hair?

Let’s break this down:

1) Bailey has been offered a job
2) The job is to be on the “Impact Team” at A&F
3) That job presumably requires looking good (it’s Abercrombie)
4) Bailey wants to keep some “minimal facial hair”
5) Bailey’s idea of minimal facial hair is a “chin strap”
6) Bailey is worried that Abercrombie would refuse to employ him because of the chin strap
7) Bailey is curious about whether he has legal recourse

Disclaimer: I don’t hold any official post with Abercrombie and/or Fitch, but that has never stopped me from speaking on their behalf before.

Unfortunately, Bailey, I’m afraid that you’re not quite what we are looking for here at the extremely strict cult house of Fitch.You see, it has long been the policy of Abercrombie to employ young, smooth boys men to project our particular brand of masculinity.

Something like this.

I think you’ll find that if you Google (or Bing…haha) “Abercrombie”, it will be at least four or five pages of images before you see any facial hair. While legally we could never discriminate based on your appearance, I think we could both agree that it wouldn’t be a good “fit” between the three of us (you, me, and Fitch). You’re more of a Tom or Neil Abercrombie and not Abercrombie and Fitch.

Tom.

Neil.

Also, chin straps are pretty douchey. I think we can all agree, if there is one thing that A&F is known for it is for our commitment to classiness.

We're what Ed Hardy aspires to be.

With this knowledge that you’re not quite right for Abercrombie and Fitch with your chin strap (which is essential to who you are) we hope that you land on your feet and find your true calling, Bailey. Problem Solved.

Our second gem is a quicky, also from Yahoo Answers:

Is there a abercrombie and fitch or hollister in NYC? :)?

“Rose” asks:

Please help me I’m going to new York city and I need to know if there is an abercrombie or hollister there please help. Thank you 🙂

Let’s break this down:

1) Rose is going to New York City
2) She needs to know if there is an Abercrombie or Hollister there

Rose, I’m going to do you a solid. As an unofficial spokesperson for Abercrombie and Fitch and a lifelong Hollister Fan Club Member (Ottawa Local Chapter #675) I have the answer you are looking for. Everyone knows that the flagship Abercrombie location is at 344 West 23rd Street. Tell Lou I sent you. Problem Solved.

NOTE: I am not a professional problem-solver. But that will never stop me.

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