Many apologies to the Loyal Sixteen (i.e. the 16 regular readers of this blog). I haven’t been online in several weeks delivering meaningless nuggets of words to you for free. Fret not, I wasn’t AWOL, I was actually building up strength through a strict regimen of napping, snacking and lounging (I find NSL to be the most effective programme out there…). The reason for all this training (and, again, imagine a slothlike Rocky montage) is that I’ve laid down six kinds of gauntlets on Friend-Of-The-Blog, j.Bowman.

One of the least incriminating photos I could find of The Pale Knight

j.Bowman, for the uninitiated, is the current Internet Champion of the World (WBA & WBF united titles) having successfully defended his belt thrice against would-be contenders The Ultimate Warrior, Fred Hatman, and Terry Jones – all three, far too-chicken to go mano-a-mano with j.Bow., losing by default/forfeit (can’t decide which word is more shameful).

This is the answer to the question nobody was asking.

Being a fan of j.Bowman’s blogging (and a fellow sufferer of insomnia) I have always rooted on his side, but I fear that months of going unchallenged will only harm his development as The World’s Greatest Blogger (TBC). Imagine if Muhammad Ali never got the chance to step into the ring. He’d just be that obnoxious guy in the flashy shorts. No, he needed to rumble (sometimes in jungles) to prove that he was the greatest.

Even owning Boardwalk and Park Place couldn't satisfy his boredom

So, I’ve done what any good friend would do: create a mafuckin’ arms race (remember that the Soviets and Americans fought on the same side in WWII). The interwebs don’t know what is about to hit them.

Prepare for Blog Feud IV (as j.Bowman refers to it) or The Blog World Series of Blogging 2011 (as I’m calling it, if only for the fact I’ve never feuded before).

j.Bowman has provided a “nice” preview of what’s to come over the next month, but to summarise for those of you who have no patience for outgoing links:

-j.Bowman is tall and pale
-We’re good friends, but are battling solely for the sake of battling (also possibly to culminate in one of us being crowned Greatest Living Blogger – zombies don’t count)
-This will be a Best of 5 series, with the following rounds:

Round 1: A “How-To”
Round 2: A Rant
Round 3: A Review
Round 4 (if necessary): Opponent’s Choice, using “Shakespearean Rules” (ain’t nuffin’ but wordz, yo)
Round 5 (if necessary): Wheel of Random Bullshit – No Holds-Barred – All-Out-Blog-Domination (preferably involving a cage)

Wish me luck, dear Sixteen, as this shit is on. Round 1 comes Monday.